Like New Born Babies

"Like new born babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good." 1 Peter 2:2-3

     Alright, time for a quick re-cap. Sunday of this week I entered into the last week of my Daniel Fast. Thought of to be the easiest week but supposedly the hardest week. Well money goes to door number two. It has been ROUGH. In my last blog I mentioned how throughout this fast God wanted me to work mostly on myself, and my relationship with Him. This sounds ridiculous, but this is something I've never really focused on doing. I tend to put my health, spiritually, physically, and emotionally, last on the list. Yeah, ridiculous. Well now, since I really have never done this, I've had 18 years of crap to get through. And, also, like I said in my last blog, God goes hard. He has surfaced things that I didn't even know were there. Things that I thought I had already dealt with. And things that I thought I could forget and put in my past forever. This past weekend I went on a New Student Retreat with Intervaristy, a campus ministry. Before I left for the weekend I had this weird feeling. That God was going to basically take one of those painfully helpful teeth scraper things, that they use at the dentist, to scrap off all the dirt and crud caking the walls of my heart. Well He did just that. It was long, hard, and painful. It felt as if someone had just power-washed a giant cut that I had never cleaned. And just like any wound...it only gets better after that. =)
     Okay! Now that we're back from the recap...it's still just as crazy. Getting back from NSR was a hectic mess. I was tired, starved (they happened to not take into account my little note on my form that said "Only fruits and vegetables") and stressed. Monday morning I woke up for my 8 AM at 7:55 and sprinted the usual 15 minute walk half asleep (I got there at 8:02! Heck yes for 4 years of cross country!) and had an essay due in my African Studies class, a few hours later and crashed at 12:30 AM from exhaustion (aka EARLY!). Tuesday I forgot I had a test in my Religion class so I may have bombed that, luckily I pay attention. I also went to Ultimate Frisbee practice for 2 hours which was crazy fun (God blessed me with time to do one of the only clubs I wanted to!) but then, exhausted, went to YL for a scavenger hunt that consisted of about 45 minutes of sprinting all over campus. I was persuaded to go to bonfire after that and had a long talk about an great idea my friend Erin and I had with Peter Hardesty, the director of YL. Ultimately, I came home and cried. Even after all the fun things I did in the past two days I was tired, no, exhausted, to the point where I could barely stand let alone walk. I still had to practice my speech for today (which was 6-8 minutes long) and I honestly, missed my mom, the smell of my house, church, Kentlands, eating normal food, and chocolate. None of which I had or could have. Earlier that day God knew I'd feel like this, and had already set me up for it. My reading that morning was 2 Corinthians 1 which starts out with a big long paragraph about how God is the "Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3b-4
     I had never done this. I always trusted God and took comfort in that trust. But I had never gone to Him for legitimate comfort. I went to well... my mom, my best friends, and food (aka chocolate and ice cream!) But I had none of these things. I was mad. God had essentially power-washed my heart out, scraping it with one of those annoyingly sharp teeth cleaners and then left me with....Him.
     How could I be mad!!! He is the God of the universe! The most loving and amazing Father that anyone could ever ask for. Of course He left me with only Him. And last night, He began to heal me.
     My reading this morning was 1 Peter 2 which withholds "Like new born babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good." This is what I felt like. A new born baby. Also in 1 Peter 2, God reassured me with the words "See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame."
    Recap # 2!!! My whole life I've been surrounded by non-believers. From my dad, to my friends at school, to people on my team and even to people at my church. When I came to JMU God surprised me with a well knit Christian Community. I have never been so whole-heartedly supported by so many Jesus Lovers that can more easily know and accept my heart. Of course, though, I'm like...God I can't possibly be surrounded by all these Christians! How am I supposed to do your work!? And on who!? I finally got to the point when I understood. God needed to work on me. He needed me to work on me. Before He was ever going to use me.
     Okay! Back from recap. My second reading of this morning was Matthew 5:1-16. For those of you that know the Bible ya'll are probably all hyped up. YAY! Beatitudes and Salt and Light! After reading I was excited too. Because God, finally, left me with the words, "You are the light of the world...let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Yes, here, I raised my eyebrow at God and said.. whaaa???
     My third reading for this morning was Psalm 51. Literally the words of my heart. Go check it out. Yes once again God amazes me, knowing my heart and soul better than I ever could. As the Psalm goes, "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you." Yes, here, I raised my eyebrow at God and said another, more excited... whhhaaaaaaaaa???
    So obviously God knows I'm excited. And obviously God knows me. And knows that when I get excited I rush, I push, I just wanna go go go! So my last reading of the day happened to be Psalm 27. The prayer he wants me to pray. "The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of who shall I be afraid?...For the day of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling....My heart says of you, "Seek him face!" You face, Lord, I will seek....I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." So that's what I'm going to do. =) He's been right so far, why not now?