"HHHHIIIIIIIIII!!!!! AAHHHHH!!!!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCHH!!!!! AAHHHHHHHHH" - Just a little taste of what my entire weekend was like :) Yes! I went home! Don't kill me if I didn't get a chance to see you. My weekend was CRAZY!
[We are now entering another recap. Just a heads up] The week after the end of my fast was ridiculous in so many ways. My feast, as I described in my last post, was AWESOME. But it lasted longer than I expected. Meaning I continued to "feast" for the next three days. And I didn't follow my own advice: to feast for the glory God. I feasted for myself. Which of course turned out badly. I had a stomach ache, for it seemed like forever, and I didn't talk to God for three days. Now, if I had done that only a month or two ago it would have been something of the norm. But now, after I've given everything to Him, it was as if I literally starved myself for three days. As I was eating like crazy I was...starving like crazy. Hmm. I explained it to my mom like this: Imagine being deeply in love with someone. To the point where you feel connected at a level that you have never felt before. You've spent almost every day with them. Just being with them. Now imagine being cut off from them for three days straight. I'm a romantic, so this scenario makes complete sense to me. But it also makes sense because it's essentially what happened. I didn't make time for God, I was distracted, I was preoccupied, busy, whatever you want to call it. But it was my fault, I let it happen, and it bit me in the butt. Here's another scenario/analogy. Imagine your first home, growing up there from the time you were born until you were around 10 or 12. It's were everything special happened. From Christmas morning and Thanksgiving dinner to homework, fights, laundry, and sleepovers. It's the home you wake up in and the home you go back to every night. Now imagine getting caught on a plane because of fog or a bad storm. You can't get home for the next few days. So you have to make camp in a hotel with only your carry-on bag. You miss your bed, the smell of your kitchen, the big dent in your couch where you always sit. You miss the family you see every morning and every night. You miss your home. Okay... so this is another analogy turned to reality. Kinda.
[Back from recap!] Like I mentioned my weekend was CRAZY! I was everywhere seeing everyone. The first night I got home I saw my mom and brother of course, my little siblings at my dad's house, my friend Grace Toohey, and some of her friends that were over. The second day I did a walk for homeless and surprised some people at church, catching up with maybe...7 or 10 of them. I got to hang out with Keith and his friends from school, then see my coach and his family, spend time with my grandma, and go shopping with my mom. THEN go to a huge birthday party for my girls Sally, Grace, and their mom and see literally almost everyone from church followed by some alone time with the boyfriend. The next morning I spent time early with my best friend Ciara and then went to church to see everyone, plus more, again. I spent the rest of the day with them and my family and, before I knew it, was on my way home. I had a blast seeing everyone, literally what I had wanted for the past two weeks. But as soon as I was dropped off back at my new home, aka school, I broke down. I was tired. No, exhausted. I was sick now, and I was overwhelmed with all that I had to do for Monday and the rest of the week.
And then I realized what I had done. Oh the sheep that strays. After my fast I feasted for myself. I didn't replenish myself and marvel in the Lords gifts. I marveled in the great JMU food that I could eat whenever I wanted now. I didn't even spend time with God! I didn't go home and rest. I didn't go home and sleep. I didn't go home and smell my kitchen, sit on my couch, or sleep in my bed for very long at all. I've spoken about this before. God gave me this body for a reason. Gave me this heart and this life for a reason. But I can't serve Him well and appreciate what He's given me if I don't care for myself. If I don't replenish myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually...what good am I? And of course God hits me with a verse as soon as I open my Bible again. To encourage me, remind me, and guide me.
"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake."
"Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For out light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is unseen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
"And he dies for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."
I realized that God is more. So much more than me. But He still chooses to work on me and spend time with me and listen to my complaints, my frustrations, my joys, my sorrows, my wonders, my dreams. We are here to live for Him, to work for Him. That is not just what will fill that hole in our hearts but its what our hearts are made of and for. What the poo was I doing!?
Then he took me back, and spoke to me through Paul, my bff, again.
Paul says that God said "I will live with them and walk among them and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
Paul also tells the people of Corinth, straight forward, with a heart for the Lord, "I have said before that you have such a place in our hearts that we would live or die with you. I have spoken to you with great frankness: I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds."
God's awesome; He just...knows.
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