Bonjour to you. First, we have now entered Christmas time. This is the greatest thing ever. Second, Francis Chan will most likely still be in this blog but the "stuff" I mentioned that was "too much" for my last blog is still being held off. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but I'm just clarifying :) Now, as I happily listen to Brenda Lee sing Rockin Around the Christmas Tree on my Pandora station, I will begin...
Thanksgiving was, per usual, crazy. Good, but crazy. I used more gas than my mom does in a month in the past week driving to everyone's houses and get-togethers and I barely ate any food at all. If you know me this is SUPER weird. I had been so unbelievably excited to physically love on the people that I talk to everyday and think about all the time and God gave me opportunity after opportunity to do that. But I had no idea that loving could be so hard at times.
Seeing everyone at home was literally awesome. It was so good to hug everyone, look them in the eye and listen to them, give them advice, laugh with them (and punch them *boys at church*). For a long time at school I wondered.."WHY am I at school?!" I wanted to be home so badly. Working in my church, spending time with the people I love, pouring into the new friendships I had made and building on the friendships I already was a part of. I wanted to help my mom, love on my dad, spend time with my siblings. I wanted to work and save money, go on a mission trip or help in the community as much as I could. WHY was I at school!?
Well because all of those other things made up MY plan. That was MY idea of growth and MY idea of following the Lord. Not God's. This week He showed me why I was at school, and He, again, renewed my appreciation for it. To be away from everything I knew, to be left with nothing but God, to almost be physically stripped of the comfort of home was God's plan for my growth.
It would take me hours to explain to you what I have been through at school. To explain to you the Godly friendships that I have made. Friendships that are only the way they are because of the Lord and the prevalence of Him in each of us. It would take me hours to explain the way God has changed my mind, my heart. The way He's taken my soul, my stress, my desires. It would take hours to explain what has happened to me in the past three months because my three months should have been six months. They should have been a year! What I mean is the amount that I've grown in the past three months matches up with everyone at school - We were all plucked out of our comfort zones, stripped of what we knew, and thrown together to do something great, to be worked on for something great - But to "home" I have changed at a rate and to a level that is not necessarily "normal".
This was met with adversary. When we follow Jesus, God promises us faithfulness, God promises us love, companionship, salvation, but He also promises us persecution. In high school I experienced a little of this but I was much younger in my faith. I didn't really pay attention to it, thinking they just misunderstood Young Life. But I have never been persecuted and misunderstood by people that I love and are so close to me. It hurt badly, and was really tough to respond to in a Godly manner, but it was mostly sad - when you know that some of the people that you love so much, so much it hurts, would go to Hell if they died today. That's not okay.
That is something else that I could talk about for hours. But I struggled a lot with this over break. And, I found, the only thing I can do is love them. And keep loving God. As much as I can and as visibly as I can.
I have to admit next, that God took me away from home also to teach me to trust Him. And have faith in Him. This past week has been really crazy in regards to that. My youth group is my home, I love the people there more than they could ever know. I think about them every day and in the beginning of the school year that was around 70% of why I wanted to stay home. For them. But no! God was like "Shannon I don't need you! I am the God of the universe! Hello!" <-- Said in low manly voice. And God is working in them! He is working in all of them, in so many ways its inexplicable. It's awesome. And when I went home He let me be a part of that. Which was crazy! It hurt so much to see so much brokenness, lack of faith, desperation, loss. But God was like..."Hey Imma use you for this.. oh and for this.. oh and for this too.. but I just want to let you know that I have this. I am carrying each one of these people. I am HERE. And my timing is the best." So God used me, and through using me taught me more about loving unconditionally, forgiving to be forgiven, having faith in Him, trusting Him, and being patient.
Erin Abell and I were reading Ruth this week. Of course neither of us finished it. Feeling like we screwed up we finished the last chapters yesterday and talked about it last night. Oh, sometimes, how our ideas of doing things right can be so wrong. God's timing for that was perfect. Naomi, Boaz, and Ruth taught me so much. Naomi's story showed me God's faithfulness to us. How badly He wants our hearts and all of our heart. How He will strip us of all we have so that we will come back to Him. Naomi showed me what it means to be selfless. Boaz taught me about how a man is supposed to treat a woman and how crucial it is to do the right thing and not take things into our own hands. Ruth taught be about having faith in God's works, patience beyond words, obedience in a way that is unbelievable. She taught me about sacrifice, loyalty, and blind faith. She taught me about always doing your best and going out on the limb for God. By doing all of these things; trusting Him, waiting for His timing, obeying Him, and having faith, God preservers. Because Naomi's whole family died, because Ruth clung to her with loyalty, because Ruth so happened to walk into the right field, because Ruth was obedient, patient, and a risk taker. Because Boaz followed directions, did the right thing, and had self-control.. God blessed them. He blessed them all. They had NO IDEA but because they followed in each step they begot Obed, who begot Jesse, who begot David. And through David's lineage, Jesus.
And how could I not trust Him, have faith in Him, and want to obey His every command?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
My Life, Miscellaneously in Chronological Order
I'm not quite sure how to start this. For some reason God's name feels too precious to even type out right now. I have been waiting and waiting to know what to blog about. So many things have happened in my heart and life in the past few weeks. So many things. And not only my heart but others. God really is amazing. As I begin, I want to let you know that most of these thoughts will probably come out sporadically. And I wouldn't be surprised if this blog is majorly long, so here's a forewarning for what you are getting yourself into. :P Per usual, I will try to organize it chronologically. But if you know me...you can testify that organization in general is not really my strength, especially when I'm overly passionate about something.
A few weeks ago I went to the Pre-Passion concert. If you dont know what passion is, take a really quick break right now and go look it up, the blog can wait! :P Now that you know what Passion is and are hopefully thinking about going I'll move on. At Pre-Passion Louie Giglio spoke via video about revival. Something at that time, I was still struggling with containing my restlessness for. That night was CRAZY.
Louie made me realize that I was so restless because I was waiting for revival. I wanted to go out and partake in it. I was scrambling to control what was happening in my head without letting it overcome and completely change my heart. Louie said it, "Draw a circle on the ground around you and pray, right now, ask God to start a revival. Ask Him to start it right there, inside the circle, with you." And then once the revival had begun in me, I can go to the outskirts of my circle and reach people, my family, then my friends, then my school, then the world. But it HAS to start with me. I screamed at myself, HELLO!!!! Of course. So I drew an imaginary circle, and I prayed.
The rest of the night was pure joy. We sang at the top of our lungs, we danced around like goofs, we cried, and finally, we smiled to the point where our faces hurt. I hadn't smiled like that in a long time. I could not. Stop. Smiling! And I just kept singing "You are my joy! You are my joy! You are my joy! You are my JOY!!!!!" (If you dont know that song, take another breather and look it up now) :)
Later in the week I went to CRU where a guest speaker was there for the night. MAN was he monotonous at first. He, of course, was a professor and all I could think about was how terrible his class would be. I jotted down on a piece of paper to Caroline, "I'm not connecting at all." She responded, "We're here for a reason." Conviction smack? Yes. I wrote back..."You're right." Prayed for God to open up my ears, heart, and mind, and started listening like it was my day job. (Oh, it is my day job! :P) All the sudden he was saying everything I needed to hear. Crazy huh? He talked about trials. There are three things we need to realize about trials. First, what the trial is. Second, the condition we are in, our true condition. Third, that trials point us to the feet of Jesus where we can have a relationship and process with Him. He made the analogy, we are the clay and got is the potter. I usually use the analogy, we are the clay and God is the kiln. I think the kiln is a little more accurate to what most of our trials feel like. At this point I started becoming thankful for what I was going through. I had asked Jesus to start a revival in me. I had asked Jesus to break my heart for what breaks His. I asked Him to convict me, change me, rid me of myself and fill me with Him. Why the heck am I always surprised when He does it!? The last thing that the speaker said was, trials are the shaping of us, like the potter shapes the clay, but Jesus shapes us for a lifetime. When He is done with the scraping, the shaping, the kiln, the painting, then and only then are we put on his mantelpiece by his throne.
The next day I left for a weekend at Rockbridge to work on Work Crew for YL. It was a JMU thing ;) The weekend was great! I worked as an AM cook and got to wake up in the wee hours of the morning to cook like 400 pieces of french toast plus more. I also got to clean the drain. :) I'm really not being sarcastic. God knows how our hearts work. And serving is what brings joy 100%. The last night was amazing. Josh Goodman, the programmer, spoke, cried. Josh, a guy from our young life, spoke, cried. Pete Hardesty, the area director, spoke, cried. All for the passion of bringing people to Jesus. Three grown men cried because of the overwhelming love they have for the Lord and for the deep passionate need for people to know Jesus. Made me cry too! I cannot explain to you what happened in my heart during that one sitting. It changed my life forever. Pete explained that there are two things that will last forever. People, and the Bible. People will either go to Heaven or Hell. For eternity. The Bible, the Word, the story of Jesus, will last forever. And the only thing that matters. The ONLY thing that MATTERS in this entire universe and world. On this world, in our lives, for the rest of time, is for people to know Jesus. That is only thing that really matters. Nothing else! Nothing. My heart flipped. And so did my life. Probably the fifth 180 its taken since summer.
Fast forward a week to the David Crowder concert. (+ John Mike McMillan, Chris August, and Gungor) It's amazing how God uses people (aka David Crowder) to speak to the ones He loves (aka everyone). It's also amazing how just thinking about God and Jesus and Heaven can make me cry. It's amazing.
Now we are back to the present! This week has been weird. The beginning of the week was so dry. I didn't want to talk to God. I just wanted to sit and have the Holy Spirit pray for me. But that was just me refusing to pray. God already knew what was in my heart, and what was in my heart earlier this week I didn't feel like repeating back to Him. Thursday I went to a Deep Ceremony. It was at a local church and for college students. It was charismatic. Before you make your judgements take another breather and text or call me right now to ask me about it. I will tell you this though, God, the Spirit, was almost tangible.
Friday I walked to Walmart and back, went to Leadership for YL and got anxious, excited, and restless about being a leader next year! Then we had a spontaneous dance party at one of the guy YL houses off campus. Then a sleepover and Friends. Saturday we walked to Dollar General and picked out stuff for the Operation Christmas Shoe Boxes we got from church (thanks mama for the cash), went to the game, made costumes for the Thanksgiving Party, went to the YL Thanksgiving Party, then went to a dance party again. Today my legs almost fell off.
Church was great! Just having the opportunity to go worship and hear about Jesus is amazing. But later today was when I read something that really impacted me. Francis Chan people.
It is too much for this blog. <3
A few weeks ago I went to the Pre-Passion concert. If you dont know what passion is, take a really quick break right now and go look it up, the blog can wait! :P Now that you know what Passion is and are hopefully thinking about going I'll move on. At Pre-Passion Louie Giglio spoke via video about revival. Something at that time, I was still struggling with containing my restlessness for. That night was CRAZY.
Louie made me realize that I was so restless because I was waiting for revival. I wanted to go out and partake in it. I was scrambling to control what was happening in my head without letting it overcome and completely change my heart. Louie said it, "Draw a circle on the ground around you and pray, right now, ask God to start a revival. Ask Him to start it right there, inside the circle, with you." And then once the revival had begun in me, I can go to the outskirts of my circle and reach people, my family, then my friends, then my school, then the world. But it HAS to start with me. I screamed at myself, HELLO!!!! Of course. So I drew an imaginary circle, and I prayed.
The rest of the night was pure joy. We sang at the top of our lungs, we danced around like goofs, we cried, and finally, we smiled to the point where our faces hurt. I hadn't smiled like that in a long time. I could not. Stop. Smiling! And I just kept singing "You are my joy! You are my joy! You are my joy! You are my JOY!!!!!" (If you dont know that song, take another breather and look it up now) :)
Later in the week I went to CRU where a guest speaker was there for the night. MAN was he monotonous at first. He, of course, was a professor and all I could think about was how terrible his class would be. I jotted down on a piece of paper to Caroline, "I'm not connecting at all." She responded, "We're here for a reason." Conviction smack? Yes. I wrote back..."You're right." Prayed for God to open up my ears, heart, and mind, and started listening like it was my day job. (Oh, it is my day job! :P) All the sudden he was saying everything I needed to hear. Crazy huh? He talked about trials. There are three things we need to realize about trials. First, what the trial is. Second, the condition we are in, our true condition. Third, that trials point us to the feet of Jesus where we can have a relationship and process with Him. He made the analogy, we are the clay and got is the potter. I usually use the analogy, we are the clay and God is the kiln. I think the kiln is a little more accurate to what most of our trials feel like. At this point I started becoming thankful for what I was going through. I had asked Jesus to start a revival in me. I had asked Jesus to break my heart for what breaks His. I asked Him to convict me, change me, rid me of myself and fill me with Him. Why the heck am I always surprised when He does it!? The last thing that the speaker said was, trials are the shaping of us, like the potter shapes the clay, but Jesus shapes us for a lifetime. When He is done with the scraping, the shaping, the kiln, the painting, then and only then are we put on his mantelpiece by his throne.
The next day I left for a weekend at Rockbridge to work on Work Crew for YL. It was a JMU thing ;) The weekend was great! I worked as an AM cook and got to wake up in the wee hours of the morning to cook like 400 pieces of french toast plus more. I also got to clean the drain. :) I'm really not being sarcastic. God knows how our hearts work. And serving is what brings joy 100%. The last night was amazing. Josh Goodman, the programmer, spoke, cried. Josh, a guy from our young life, spoke, cried. Pete Hardesty, the area director, spoke, cried. All for the passion of bringing people to Jesus. Three grown men cried because of the overwhelming love they have for the Lord and for the deep passionate need for people to know Jesus. Made me cry too! I cannot explain to you what happened in my heart during that one sitting. It changed my life forever. Pete explained that there are two things that will last forever. People, and the Bible. People will either go to Heaven or Hell. For eternity. The Bible, the Word, the story of Jesus, will last forever. And the only thing that matters. The ONLY thing that MATTERS in this entire universe and world. On this world, in our lives, for the rest of time, is for people to know Jesus. That is only thing that really matters. Nothing else! Nothing. My heart flipped. And so did my life. Probably the fifth 180 its taken since summer.
Fast forward a week to the David Crowder concert. (+ John Mike McMillan, Chris August, and Gungor) It's amazing how God uses people (aka David Crowder) to speak to the ones He loves (aka everyone). It's also amazing how just thinking about God and Jesus and Heaven can make me cry. It's amazing.
Now we are back to the present! This week has been weird. The beginning of the week was so dry. I didn't want to talk to God. I just wanted to sit and have the Holy Spirit pray for me. But that was just me refusing to pray. God already knew what was in my heart, and what was in my heart earlier this week I didn't feel like repeating back to Him. Thursday I went to a Deep Ceremony. It was at a local church and for college students. It was charismatic. Before you make your judgements take another breather and text or call me right now to ask me about it. I will tell you this though, God, the Spirit, was almost tangible.
Friday I walked to Walmart and back, went to Leadership for YL and got anxious, excited, and restless about being a leader next year! Then we had a spontaneous dance party at one of the guy YL houses off campus. Then a sleepover and Friends. Saturday we walked to Dollar General and picked out stuff for the Operation Christmas Shoe Boxes we got from church (thanks mama for the cash), went to the game, made costumes for the Thanksgiving Party, went to the YL Thanksgiving Party, then went to a dance party again. Today my legs almost fell off.
Church was great! Just having the opportunity to go worship and hear about Jesus is amazing. But later today was when I read something that really impacted me. Francis Chan people.
It is too much for this blog. <3
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Waking Up From My Slumber
"Days, they force you back under those covers. Lazy mornings they multiple. Glory's waiting outside your window. Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes." - NEEDTOBREATHE
God is so good. One way to tell --> NEEDTOBREATHE. I'm sure a ton of you agree. This song lifts my heart because I need it! The WORLD needs it! The song is about realizing that we are in a slumber! We are in a slumber of passiveness, of bitterness and hurt, of numbness. We are in a slumber of content, of confusion, of distraction. It's about waking up. Waking up and realizing God's love. Realizing the lack of anguish in our Christian and worldly communities. Realizing where we actually stand in our faith.If you asked me to describe how the past week has been I'd immediately know the word to use: restless. My heart has been restless, my body, and mostly my mind. My heart is so overwhelmed with longing for the Lord, longing for comfort, longing for SOMETHING. I have felt worthless, unproductive, unhelpful, pointless, and lazy with my relationship with God and it was killing me. All week I've been mentally beating myself up and praying to God for a job for a motive for Him to work through me. My mind is going crazy just trying to figure out what the heck is going on inside my heart! And of course to deal with this confusion I instinctively distracted myself with friends, family, school, music, sports, anything - essentially digging myself into a deeper hole. I was wrestling with God. But it was as if He was just not moving. I was pushing from all sides and He just wasn't going to budge. But He was pushing me too. I was just too worked up to notice.
I can tell you that tonight has been the best night of my week because my heart is now at rest. Everything just came together. I can breath. I'm at peace. How the heck did that happen? Get ready.... :D!
Tonight I sat down for my first worship and prayer sesh in a few days. I spend time with the Lord everyday either reading the Bible, reading Francis Chan's Crazy Love, or writing in my prayer journal. But for the past two days I haven't been able to really worship and pray alone. This morning I was still so restless that I pulled a sheet out of my Tues/Thurs journal and wrote a page long prayer while waiting for my professor to show up!
I finished 2 Corinthians a few days ago but for some reason I read the last few Chapters again tonight without realizing at first that I had already read them. As I read through them the impact they had made on me a few days ago rose up again in my heart and mind but it was now met with greater and more meaningful realizations. 2 Corinthians 13:11 "Finally, brothers and sister, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you." I read this and it immediately hit me. How powerful these words were. I wanted to know the whole meaning of them. I read them three or four times then moved in to figure out what they meant: God has a plan. All He wants is for us to give our hearts to Him. We have nothing to worry about. So strive for life in Him; be there for one another in a positive, energetic, and lively way; join together and share the love and faith of the Lord with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ; have peace, serenity, fulfillment in the Lord. For He is with you in all of this and He will guide you in all that you do. This is harder than it looks. But those are four things that Paul is encouraging us to do. Four things we have to concentrate on. Every one of them is good. Every one of them is promising. And every one of them is not ever done alone, but with God.
Earlier in the chapter I came across this: 2 Corinthians 13:5 "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you.." Now a little hesitant at first, I let this one sink in. Am I in the faith? Am I trusting in God, living my life as if it is not mine, but God's? If I tested myself, would I fail?
Katrina, my roommate, also came in tonight (see things coming together? cray.) And relayed to me what she had learned at Doo Rag (a Christian Ministry on Campus) with extreme excitement, passion, and fervor. She talked to me about how we are always drifting from the Lord. It doesn't matter who you are or where you are. You're drifting. We are sinners. You compare yourself to that "really pretty" girl, you're drifting. You even think about yelling at your mom, you're drifting. You lie to someone, anyone, you're drifting. You think about how annoying it is for someone to (fill in the blank), you're drifting. You flinch away from a homeless man, you're drifting. The speaker took it another notch. You think about that knife, you're drifting. You think about that gun to you're head, you're drifting. It's all drifting. We are always drifting no matter how much. So what are we doing about it? Slash...through this, what do you realize about God?
Now for the last part of the verse, do you realize that Jesus is in you? IN you. Earlier this week (this is where things are coming together again!) I read the second chapter of Francis Chan's Crazy Love and on Friday of last week I went to IV Large Group and what do you know! - I learned a LOT about God!
Francis talked about how God made us with a purpose. He chose for us to be here. CHOSE for us to be here. Not until I read this did I realize that for so long I had been thinking that He made me THEN He made a purpose for me. No. He thought about the purpose, then He made me with it in mind. He willingly made me. Just to love me, use me in His giant awesome plan, and have me love Him. How honorable is that!!!! The God of the universe actually thought deeply about who He wanted me to be and how He was going to use me. CJ taught me how the Lord God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit were one together, before the world, before the universes, before anything. They were COMPLETELY full in joy, love, beauty, trust, faith. They were completely full and perfect. But then God made the world to share it with us. I always wonder why He did this. But then I think about the true reason for why we chose and want to have children. And that just, without much more explanation, explains it. To realize this! To realize these truths... but to really truly believe and live them...
Francis's last powerful point of chapter 2 in Crazy Love is the idea that we could die.. anytime. Most of us know this, I hope. But do we really realize it? Do we really live like it? Do we REALLY live like it? This has been a huge conviction for me. Ever since I read this on Monday I realized, no, I don't live like this truly. Granted, I am a spontaneous person, I live for today as much as I possibly can, and I try to cherish was God gives me every morning, every moment. But if I am being honest. I don't LIVE like this is a truth to me. If I died today what would I have to say for that? Did I glorify God in all I did. Did I love everyone as much as I could that I came in contact with? Did I see the joy in the world that God has made and cease it with all I could?
Paradoxically I woke up from a slumber of restlessness and entered into the peace of God. I know that God has a plan for me. That He knows me inside and out. He knew all of me before I was born. He knew all of me 200 years ago! He purposefully chose to make me for a specific reason. All I need to do is run after HIM. Find peace in HIM. Focus on HIM and the purpose will be fulfilled. He will instill in me the passions, the motives, the tasks that He wants me to complete. I've realized that He is in me. He always has been. Now I will follow Him. With everything. And know that He is with me. Now I will live like I know God. Wake on up from your slumber and Live with me! :)
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Home, In Every Way Possible
"HHHHIIIIIIIIII!!!!! AAHHHHH!!!!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCHH!!!!! AAHHHHHHHHH" - Just a little taste of what my entire weekend was like :) Yes! I went home! Don't kill me if I didn't get a chance to see you. My weekend was CRAZY!
[We are now entering another recap. Just a heads up] The week after the end of my fast was ridiculous in so many ways. My feast, as I described in my last post, was AWESOME. But it lasted longer than I expected. Meaning I continued to "feast" for the next three days. And I didn't follow my own advice: to feast for the glory God. I feasted for myself. Which of course turned out badly. I had a stomach ache, for it seemed like forever, and I didn't talk to God for three days. Now, if I had done that only a month or two ago it would have been something of the norm. But now, after I've given everything to Him, it was as if I literally starved myself for three days. As I was eating like crazy I was...starving like crazy. Hmm. I explained it to my mom like this: Imagine being deeply in love with someone. To the point where you feel connected at a level that you have never felt before. You've spent almost every day with them. Just being with them. Now imagine being cut off from them for three days straight. I'm a romantic, so this scenario makes complete sense to me. But it also makes sense because it's essentially what happened. I didn't make time for God, I was distracted, I was preoccupied, busy, whatever you want to call it. But it was my fault, I let it happen, and it bit me in the butt. Here's another scenario/analogy. Imagine your first home, growing up there from the time you were born until you were around 10 or 12. It's were everything special happened. From Christmas morning and Thanksgiving dinner to homework, fights, laundry, and sleepovers. It's the home you wake up in and the home you go back to every night. Now imagine getting caught on a plane because of fog or a bad storm. You can't get home for the next few days. So you have to make camp in a hotel with only your carry-on bag. You miss your bed, the smell of your kitchen, the big dent in your couch where you always sit. You miss the family you see every morning and every night. You miss your home. Okay... so this is another analogy turned to reality. Kinda.
[Back from recap!] Like I mentioned my weekend was CRAZY! I was everywhere seeing everyone. The first night I got home I saw my mom and brother of course, my little siblings at my dad's house, my friend Grace Toohey, and some of her friends that were over. The second day I did a walk for homeless and surprised some people at church, catching up with maybe...7 or 10 of them. I got to hang out with Keith and his friends from school, then see my coach and his family, spend time with my grandma, and go shopping with my mom. THEN go to a huge birthday party for my girls Sally, Grace, and their mom and see literally almost everyone from church followed by some alone time with the boyfriend. The next morning I spent time early with my best friend Ciara and then went to church to see everyone, plus more, again. I spent the rest of the day with them and my family and, before I knew it, was on my way home. I had a blast seeing everyone, literally what I had wanted for the past two weeks. But as soon as I was dropped off back at my new home, aka school, I broke down. I was tired. No, exhausted. I was sick now, and I was overwhelmed with all that I had to do for Monday and the rest of the week.
And then I realized what I had done. Oh the sheep that strays. After my fast I feasted for myself. I didn't replenish myself and marvel in the Lords gifts. I marveled in the great JMU food that I could eat whenever I wanted now. I didn't even spend time with God! I didn't go home and rest. I didn't go home and sleep. I didn't go home and smell my kitchen, sit on my couch, or sleep in my bed for very long at all. I've spoken about this before. God gave me this body for a reason. Gave me this heart and this life for a reason. But I can't serve Him well and appreciate what He's given me if I don't care for myself. If I don't replenish myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually...what good am I? And of course God hits me with a verse as soon as I open my Bible again. To encourage me, remind me, and guide me.
"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake."
"Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For out light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is unseen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
"And he dies for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."
I realized that God is more. So much more than me. But He still chooses to work on me and spend time with me and listen to my complaints, my frustrations, my joys, my sorrows, my wonders, my dreams. We are here to live for Him, to work for Him. That is not just what will fill that hole in our hearts but its what our hearts are made of and for. What the poo was I doing!?
Then he took me back, and spoke to me through Paul, my bff, again.
Paul says that God said "I will live with them and walk among them and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
Paul also tells the people of Corinth, straight forward, with a heart for the Lord, "I have said before that you have such a place in our hearts that we would live or die with you. I have spoken to you with great frankness: I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds."
God's awesome; He just...knows.
[We are now entering another recap. Just a heads up] The week after the end of my fast was ridiculous in so many ways. My feast, as I described in my last post, was AWESOME. But it lasted longer than I expected. Meaning I continued to "feast" for the next three days. And I didn't follow my own advice: to feast for the glory God. I feasted for myself. Which of course turned out badly. I had a stomach ache, for it seemed like forever, and I didn't talk to God for three days. Now, if I had done that only a month or two ago it would have been something of the norm. But now, after I've given everything to Him, it was as if I literally starved myself for three days. As I was eating like crazy I was...starving like crazy. Hmm. I explained it to my mom like this: Imagine being deeply in love with someone. To the point where you feel connected at a level that you have never felt before. You've spent almost every day with them. Just being with them. Now imagine being cut off from them for three days straight. I'm a romantic, so this scenario makes complete sense to me. But it also makes sense because it's essentially what happened. I didn't make time for God, I was distracted, I was preoccupied, busy, whatever you want to call it. But it was my fault, I let it happen, and it bit me in the butt. Here's another scenario/analogy. Imagine your first home, growing up there from the time you were born until you were around 10 or 12. It's were everything special happened. From Christmas morning and Thanksgiving dinner to homework, fights, laundry, and sleepovers. It's the home you wake up in and the home you go back to every night. Now imagine getting caught on a plane because of fog or a bad storm. You can't get home for the next few days. So you have to make camp in a hotel with only your carry-on bag. You miss your bed, the smell of your kitchen, the big dent in your couch where you always sit. You miss the family you see every morning and every night. You miss your home. Okay... so this is another analogy turned to reality. Kinda.
[Back from recap!] Like I mentioned my weekend was CRAZY! I was everywhere seeing everyone. The first night I got home I saw my mom and brother of course, my little siblings at my dad's house, my friend Grace Toohey, and some of her friends that were over. The second day I did a walk for homeless and surprised some people at church, catching up with maybe...7 or 10 of them. I got to hang out with Keith and his friends from school, then see my coach and his family, spend time with my grandma, and go shopping with my mom. THEN go to a huge birthday party for my girls Sally, Grace, and their mom and see literally almost everyone from church followed by some alone time with the boyfriend. The next morning I spent time early with my best friend Ciara and then went to church to see everyone, plus more, again. I spent the rest of the day with them and my family and, before I knew it, was on my way home. I had a blast seeing everyone, literally what I had wanted for the past two weeks. But as soon as I was dropped off back at my new home, aka school, I broke down. I was tired. No, exhausted. I was sick now, and I was overwhelmed with all that I had to do for Monday and the rest of the week.
And then I realized what I had done. Oh the sheep that strays. After my fast I feasted for myself. I didn't replenish myself and marvel in the Lords gifts. I marveled in the great JMU food that I could eat whenever I wanted now. I didn't even spend time with God! I didn't go home and rest. I didn't go home and sleep. I didn't go home and smell my kitchen, sit on my couch, or sleep in my bed for very long at all. I've spoken about this before. God gave me this body for a reason. Gave me this heart and this life for a reason. But I can't serve Him well and appreciate what He's given me if I don't care for myself. If I don't replenish myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually...what good am I? And of course God hits me with a verse as soon as I open my Bible again. To encourage me, remind me, and guide me.
"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake."
"Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For out light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is unseen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
"And he dies for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."
I realized that God is more. So much more than me. But He still chooses to work on me and spend time with me and listen to my complaints, my frustrations, my joys, my sorrows, my wonders, my dreams. We are here to live for Him, to work for Him. That is not just what will fill that hole in our hearts but its what our hearts are made of and for. What the poo was I doing!?
Then he took me back, and spoke to me through Paul, my bff, again.
Paul says that God said "I will live with them and walk among them and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
Paul also tells the people of Corinth, straight forward, with a heart for the Lord, "I have said before that you have such a place in our hearts that we would live or die with you. I have spoken to you with great frankness: I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds."
God's awesome; He just...knows.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
A Pleasing Aroma
I'm going to let you know before-time that the next however many lines you are going to read will most likely be a hodge podge of all the craziness that happens to be a regular thing in my life now a days. First let's begin with how....I FINISHED MY FAST!!!! Two or three days before my fast I realized...well...it was two or three days before my fast ended! I had some awesome quiet times with the Lord and during them He instilled in me this pure and joyful excitement for the ending of my fast or in better words, the beginning of the next few months after my fast. He instilled in me the urge to really celebrate! One of the readings towards the end of my fast was about remembering that all that I had been through was for the Glory of God. This was an awesome reminder because it just made all that I had been through good and bad so much more than it already was. The reading also reminded me that... although I was fasting in the Lord. I can also, every day, feast in the Lord. This was SUPER exciting! I had to think about it a little bit though. Think about what this really meant.
Recently at Large Group for InterVarsity the speaker has been talking about evangelism. One thing he said that really hit me at the Large Group on Friday was to live out God through all you do. To do it FOR the glory of GOD. I was like...we'll yeah Jesus rules! I thank Him for pretty much everything. And I appreciate it too. But living for the glory of God in all you do means so much more! The speaker gave the example of ...if you played a sport. Say football. Popular enough right? :P Oh America. Anyway, to play football in order to glorify God doesn't simply mean praying before the game, making Jesus shirts, not cussing when you lose, or getting to know each other and appreciate each other. All those things are awesome, but to really glorify God through playing football, it means so much more. It means to enjoy the sport and play it for what it is and for what it was made to be. To appreciate the essence of football. To treat it as the gift from God that it is. To appreciate your body and what it can do for you. To play with heart and mind. To grasp your agility, strength, and speed and appreciate it, use it, and love it. To play football for the something beautiful that it is.
Thats pretty intense right? But it's awesome! Imagine if we did that with everything in life! Football or sports doesn't have to be the extent of it. Painting, drawing, fashion, paying music, listening to music, singing to music, laughing, sleeping, eating, looking outside, walking through the park, brushing your teeth, (heck!) writing an essay for school! Fasting is glorifying God. But so is feasting!
I've been thinking about this concept for the past three days now and I still havent even fully grasped the extent of it, let alone been able to actually do it to the extent of it. But I knew that this morning, at 12:00 AM I was going to celebrate. And feast for the glory of God!
For my last day of fasting I barely ate anything. I had an apple for breakfast and a cold can of mushed peas and corn that I ate out of a hole that I cut in the top of the can with my pocket knife. I did concessions during the Home Coming Game for Colleges Against Cancer and lost my voice yet again hawking up and down the stands. This was actually super fun...until it started raining and all the sudden became really fraggin cold. I arrived home in a frenzy: irritated, cold, tired, and starving. We rushed to D hall and all they really had was rice with a spicy tomato sauce. Emily, my suite-mate who I'd been fasting with, and I were almost too tired to even reminisce over the past 21 days. We ate, left, and went home. She went to bed early and I hung out kickin it for a few hours with some friends. Then...dun dun dun.. 11:45! HOLY MACKREL! 15 minutes! My friend Caroline and I rushed home. At 11:55 I ran form the kitchen into my room and sat down with God. I spent the last 5 minutes with Him. And it was the best part of my night. Erin, Anna, Lauren, Caroline, Erin's sister, and eventually the entire upper level of my dorm ended up coming to feast with us. We made brownies, ate old pizza, launched old dried cake we found across the room, snacked on m&ms, nutella, poptarts and pretty much anything else we could find. By 2 AM we were all sprawled out in the hallway sitting in each other's laps while a few people played guitars and banjos, singing. I loved it.
God, meanwhile, was seriously doing work. Here's a few things I forgot to mention. After I spent my last 5 minutes with God I rushed into the kitchen in excitement. Quickly He set my heart to work. One thing that I pray for everyday, and probably most people pray for, is for God to work through me, to use me to the best of His abilities so that I can serve Him and the people He's made and loves. Like I always say, God goes hard. I've been told this by a few people, but apparently my "spiritual gift" is service and empathy. My friendships and relationships mean the world to me. I literally almost cannot explain the love I have for people. God has put me in people's lives to listen to them and to speak through me to them. God put me to work last night. And I became tired. By 3 AM I felt lost. I felt stretched thin. "God I'm not strong enough for this. I feel emptied, I feel drained. I was just filled. You think too highly of me. You're expectations for me are far too great. I can't do it." I started to resent my heart. Resent how easily I can empathize with people. I'm sure most of you can relate, but it hurts to see the people you love hurt and confused. It hurts. And I started to run from it.
One thing that I've been praying for lately is for God to just get down here. So that I can physically hug Him. So that I can physically sit in His lap. So he can physically be my Dad. And last night all I wanted was that: to just give up and go sit in my Dad's lap. With a little bit of me freaking out/venting matched with jokes and reassurance from Keith and a few more prayers to Mr. Almighty, I went to bed at 5 AM with a lighter and more positive heart.
This morning I woke up thinking about God, singing to God, and praying to God. He had different plans for me when I wanted to go to church. So I ended up once again with my Bible and Journal at my desk with my Jesus Music playlist on. This morning He gave me these words from Paul in 2 Corinthians:
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ's triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma fo knowledge of him everywhere. For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing."
"You should know that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts."
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with every-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
MAN! Paul rules. Oh the comfort of the Lord. Oh how He amazes me. Today is going to be a good day. And so is tomorrow ;)
Recently at Large Group for InterVarsity the speaker has been talking about evangelism. One thing he said that really hit me at the Large Group on Friday was to live out God through all you do. To do it FOR the glory of GOD. I was like...we'll yeah Jesus rules! I thank Him for pretty much everything. And I appreciate it too. But living for the glory of God in all you do means so much more! The speaker gave the example of ...if you played a sport. Say football. Popular enough right? :P Oh America. Anyway, to play football in order to glorify God doesn't simply mean praying before the game, making Jesus shirts, not cussing when you lose, or getting to know each other and appreciate each other. All those things are awesome, but to really glorify God through playing football, it means so much more. It means to enjoy the sport and play it for what it is and for what it was made to be. To appreciate the essence of football. To treat it as the gift from God that it is. To appreciate your body and what it can do for you. To play with heart and mind. To grasp your agility, strength, and speed and appreciate it, use it, and love it. To play football for the something beautiful that it is.
Thats pretty intense right? But it's awesome! Imagine if we did that with everything in life! Football or sports doesn't have to be the extent of it. Painting, drawing, fashion, paying music, listening to music, singing to music, laughing, sleeping, eating, looking outside, walking through the park, brushing your teeth, (heck!) writing an essay for school! Fasting is glorifying God. But so is feasting!
I've been thinking about this concept for the past three days now and I still havent even fully grasped the extent of it, let alone been able to actually do it to the extent of it. But I knew that this morning, at 12:00 AM I was going to celebrate. And feast for the glory of God!
For my last day of fasting I barely ate anything. I had an apple for breakfast and a cold can of mushed peas and corn that I ate out of a hole that I cut in the top of the can with my pocket knife. I did concessions during the Home Coming Game for Colleges Against Cancer and lost my voice yet again hawking up and down the stands. This was actually super fun...until it started raining and all the sudden became really fraggin cold. I arrived home in a frenzy: irritated, cold, tired, and starving. We rushed to D hall and all they really had was rice with a spicy tomato sauce. Emily, my suite-mate who I'd been fasting with, and I were almost too tired to even reminisce over the past 21 days. We ate, left, and went home. She went to bed early and I hung out kickin it for a few hours with some friends. Then...dun dun dun.. 11:45! HOLY MACKREL! 15 minutes! My friend Caroline and I rushed home. At 11:55 I ran form the kitchen into my room and sat down with God. I spent the last 5 minutes with Him. And it was the best part of my night. Erin, Anna, Lauren, Caroline, Erin's sister, and eventually the entire upper level of my dorm ended up coming to feast with us. We made brownies, ate old pizza, launched old dried cake we found across the room, snacked on m&ms, nutella, poptarts and pretty much anything else we could find. By 2 AM we were all sprawled out in the hallway sitting in each other's laps while a few people played guitars and banjos, singing. I loved it.
God, meanwhile, was seriously doing work. Here's a few things I forgot to mention. After I spent my last 5 minutes with God I rushed into the kitchen in excitement. Quickly He set my heart to work. One thing that I pray for everyday, and probably most people pray for, is for God to work through me, to use me to the best of His abilities so that I can serve Him and the people He's made and loves. Like I always say, God goes hard. I've been told this by a few people, but apparently my "spiritual gift" is service and empathy. My friendships and relationships mean the world to me. I literally almost cannot explain the love I have for people. God has put me in people's lives to listen to them and to speak through me to them. God put me to work last night. And I became tired. By 3 AM I felt lost. I felt stretched thin. "God I'm not strong enough for this. I feel emptied, I feel drained. I was just filled. You think too highly of me. You're expectations for me are far too great. I can't do it." I started to resent my heart. Resent how easily I can empathize with people. I'm sure most of you can relate, but it hurts to see the people you love hurt and confused. It hurts. And I started to run from it.
One thing that I've been praying for lately is for God to just get down here. So that I can physically hug Him. So that I can physically sit in His lap. So he can physically be my Dad. And last night all I wanted was that: to just give up and go sit in my Dad's lap. With a little bit of me freaking out/venting matched with jokes and reassurance from Keith and a few more prayers to Mr. Almighty, I went to bed at 5 AM with a lighter and more positive heart.
This morning I woke up thinking about God, singing to God, and praying to God. He had different plans for me when I wanted to go to church. So I ended up once again with my Bible and Journal at my desk with my Jesus Music playlist on. This morning He gave me these words from Paul in 2 Corinthians:
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ's triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma fo knowledge of him everywhere. For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing."
"You should know that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts."
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with every-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
MAN! Paul rules. Oh the comfort of the Lord. Oh how He amazes me. Today is going to be a good day. And so is tomorrow ;)
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Like New Born Babies
"Like new born babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good." 1 Peter 2:2-3
Alright, time for a quick re-cap. Sunday of this week I entered into the last week of my Daniel Fast. Thought of to be the easiest week but supposedly the hardest week. Well money goes to door number two. It has been ROUGH. In my last blog I mentioned how throughout this fast God wanted me to work mostly on myself, and my relationship with Him. This sounds ridiculous, but this is something I've never really focused on doing. I tend to put my health, spiritually, physically, and emotionally, last on the list. Yeah, ridiculous. Well now, since I really have never done this, I've had 18 years of crap to get through. And, also, like I said in my last blog, God goes hard. He has surfaced things that I didn't even know were there. Things that I thought I had already dealt with. And things that I thought I could forget and put in my past forever. This past weekend I went on a New Student Retreat with Intervaristy, a campus ministry. Before I left for the weekend I had this weird feeling. That God was going to basically take one of those painfully helpful teeth scraper things, that they use at the dentist, to scrap off all the dirt and crud caking the walls of my heart. Well He did just that. It was long, hard, and painful. It felt as if someone had just power-washed a giant cut that I had never cleaned. And just like any wound...it only gets better after that. =)Okay! Now that we're back from the recap...it's still just as crazy. Getting back from NSR was a hectic mess. I was tired, starved (they happened to not take into account my little note on my form that said "Only fruits and vegetables") and stressed. Monday morning I woke up for my 8 AM at 7:55 and sprinted the usual 15 minute walk half asleep (I got there at 8:02! Heck yes for 4 years of cross country!) and had an essay due in my African Studies class, a few hours later and crashed at 12:30 AM from exhaustion (aka EARLY!). Tuesday I forgot I had a test in my Religion class so I may have bombed that, luckily I pay attention. I also went to Ultimate Frisbee practice for 2 hours which was crazy fun (God blessed me with time to do one of the only clubs I wanted to!) but then, exhausted, went to YL for a scavenger hunt that consisted of about 45 minutes of sprinting all over campus. I was persuaded to go to bonfire after that and had a long talk about an great idea my friend Erin and I had with Peter Hardesty, the director of YL. Ultimately, I came home and cried. Even after all the fun things I did in the past two days I was tired, no, exhausted, to the point where I could barely stand let alone walk. I still had to practice my speech for today (which was 6-8 minutes long) and I honestly, missed my mom, the smell of my house, church, Kentlands, eating normal food, and chocolate. None of which I had or could have. Earlier that day God knew I'd feel like this, and had already set me up for it. My reading that morning was 2 Corinthians 1 which starts out with a big long paragraph about how God is the "Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3b-4
I had never done this. I always trusted God and took comfort in that trust. But I had never gone to Him for legitimate comfort. I went to well... my mom, my best friends, and food (aka chocolate and ice cream!) But I had none of these things. I was mad. God had essentially power-washed my heart out, scraping it with one of those annoyingly sharp teeth cleaners and then left me with....Him.
How could I be mad!!! He is the God of the universe! The most loving and amazing Father that anyone could ever ask for. Of course He left me with only Him. And last night, He began to heal me.
My reading this morning was 1 Peter 2 which withholds "Like new born babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good." This is what I felt like. A new born baby. Also in 1 Peter 2, God reassured me with the words "See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame."
Recap # 2!!! My whole life I've been surrounded by non-believers. From my dad, to my friends at school, to people on my team and even to people at my church. When I came to JMU God surprised me with a well knit Christian Community. I have never been so whole-heartedly supported by so many Jesus Lovers that can more easily know and accept my heart. Of course, though, I'm like...God I can't possibly be surrounded by all these Christians! How am I supposed to do your work!? And on who!? I finally got to the point when I understood. God needed to work on me. He needed me to work on me. Before He was ever going to use me.
Okay! Back from recap. My second reading of this morning was Matthew 5:1-16. For those of you that know the Bible ya'll are probably all hyped up. YAY! Beatitudes and Salt and Light! After reading I was excited too. Because God, finally, left me with the words, "You are the light of the world...let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Yes, here, I raised my eyebrow at God and said.. whaaa???
My third reading for this morning was Psalm 51. Literally the words of my heart. Go check it out. Yes once again God amazes me, knowing my heart and soul better than I ever could. As the Psalm goes, "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you." Yes, here, I raised my eyebrow at God and said another, more excited... whhhaaaaaaaaa???
So obviously God knows I'm excited. And obviously God knows me. And knows that when I get excited I rush, I push, I just wanna go go go! So my last reading of the day happened to be Psalm 27. The prayer he wants me to pray. "The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of who shall I be afraid?...For the day of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling....My heart says of you, "Seek him face!" You face, Lord, I will seek....I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." So that's what I'm going to do. =) He's been right so far, why not now?
Monday, September 26, 2011
My First Blog!!!
So as the story goes I had finished my homework...for the most part...and was sitting in my room wondering what I could, or should, possibly do with my life right now. Then I had the grand idea to start a blog! I screamed into my suite-mate's room for approval and then decided it was a must. My goal for this blog is to be able to record and share my thoughts about what I'm learning, daily, every other day, or weekly, about Jesus and being in a relationship with the Lord. This past summer I fell far away from God and turned my back to him despite the love and wisdom he gave me during my senior year. My selfishness and carelessness for myself and others lead me to near rock bottom. In my world anyway. Moving away to college I had somewhat of a fresh start, and therefore, took it as an opportunity to leave the "Senior Summer Shannon" behind. College life started out fresh and GOOD. But, I will admit, it's not that easy to just "leave" baggage behind.
My first week, FROG week, was pretty gnarly and quite embarrassing. My sub-free dorm that I, thankfully, signed up for is probably one of the greatest support systems God has put in my life. I was given an air conditioned dorm, on the quad, around an 85% Christian community, and suite-mates that I could have never thought to ask for. The community of people that live in my dorm are mostly made up of students that are awesomely racing after the Lord. My hall is all girls and some of them have already become deeper best friends than most. And, furthermore, my suite-mates, Emily, Kate, and Katrina are some of the strongest Christians I've ever met. The four of us challenge each other with our faith every day. We sing, laugh, dance, and...waste time hanging out with each other and the Lord. Keith, the guy God's set me up with presently, is amazingly accepting and reliable as well as grounding but super fun, happy, and running after the Lord like I am. And just like that! God set me up with a support system that already loves me, challenges me, and is there for me...how could I ever deserve this!?
That's the question that hit me for the first few weeks. How could I ever deserve this? After who I was proud to be this summer, how could God not only forgive me, but immediately rain down on me with love and new, beautiful things. Kinda remind you of the Parable of the Lost Son? IN REAL LIFE!!! hahaha...and I'm a girl... :P
So then I took the opportunity and dove into the Lord's word. Dove into everything that He had presented me with. After a few weeks Emily and I decided to begin a Daniel Fast. We're in our last week now and after praying for what I should be focusing on, I went with what God told me, and decided to focus on my heart, and my relationship with Him. Something I usually put last. The past two weeks of this has been amazing, enlightening, painful, sweet, bitter, and beautiful. Things that I had been holding at the bottom of my heart for so long I almost forgot they were there and that I had never dealt with them, began to surface. Three words: God goes hard. He has been chipping away at the scum and dirt caking the walls of my heart so that when He fills it up it can reach every corner, rounded or sharp.
Through InterVaristy (IV) and Young Life I have made amazing new friends in BOTH small groups. As of right now I think I'm going to stay with Young Life, we just started studying the book Crazy Love! I have already built trusting relationships and spilled some of my guts that I didn't even want to confront myself about to new best friends in my hall as well. I am looking forward to trying Cru this week and have been invited to a video Bible study on Sunday nights. God has also given me the opportunity to try out the Frisbee team this week! Which I'm sure He knew I was upset about when I thought it wasn't going to work out a couple weeks ago. But who knows what will happen :P
I've learned that dancing is probably the greatest and sweatiest thing anyone can ever do. I've learned that God will pour love onto you no matter what and in every way He possibly can, with your acceptance. I've learned that every day should be one filled with Joy. I mean look at this world!!! I've learned that being vulnerable is necessary. That in order to give love you have to allow yourself to accept it. That God will always know you better than you know yourself. That relaxing and essentially doing nothing for hours at a time can be a good thing. And that God is just beautiful, along with everything and everyone He's made.
My first week, FROG week, was pretty gnarly and quite embarrassing. My sub-free dorm that I, thankfully, signed up for is probably one of the greatest support systems God has put in my life. I was given an air conditioned dorm, on the quad, around an 85% Christian community, and suite-mates that I could have never thought to ask for. The community of people that live in my dorm are mostly made up of students that are awesomely racing after the Lord. My hall is all girls and some of them have already become deeper best friends than most. And, furthermore, my suite-mates, Emily, Kate, and Katrina are some of the strongest Christians I've ever met. The four of us challenge each other with our faith every day. We sing, laugh, dance, and...waste time hanging out with each other and the Lord. Keith, the guy God's set me up with presently, is amazingly accepting and reliable as well as grounding but super fun, happy, and running after the Lord like I am. And just like that! God set me up with a support system that already loves me, challenges me, and is there for me...how could I ever deserve this!?
That's the question that hit me for the first few weeks. How could I ever deserve this? After who I was proud to be this summer, how could God not only forgive me, but immediately rain down on me with love and new, beautiful things. Kinda remind you of the Parable of the Lost Son? IN REAL LIFE!!! hahaha...and I'm a girl... :P
So then I took the opportunity and dove into the Lord's word. Dove into everything that He had presented me with. After a few weeks Emily and I decided to begin a Daniel Fast. We're in our last week now and after praying for what I should be focusing on, I went with what God told me, and decided to focus on my heart, and my relationship with Him. Something I usually put last. The past two weeks of this has been amazing, enlightening, painful, sweet, bitter, and beautiful. Things that I had been holding at the bottom of my heart for so long I almost forgot they were there and that I had never dealt with them, began to surface. Three words: God goes hard. He has been chipping away at the scum and dirt caking the walls of my heart so that when He fills it up it can reach every corner, rounded or sharp.
Through InterVaristy (IV) and Young Life I have made amazing new friends in BOTH small groups. As of right now I think I'm going to stay with Young Life, we just started studying the book Crazy Love! I have already built trusting relationships and spilled some of my guts that I didn't even want to confront myself about to new best friends in my hall as well. I am looking forward to trying Cru this week and have been invited to a video Bible study on Sunday nights. God has also given me the opportunity to try out the Frisbee team this week! Which I'm sure He knew I was upset about when I thought it wasn't going to work out a couple weeks ago. But who knows what will happen :P
I've learned that dancing is probably the greatest and sweatiest thing anyone can ever do. I've learned that God will pour love onto you no matter what and in every way He possibly can, with your acceptance. I've learned that every day should be one filled with Joy. I mean look at this world!!! I've learned that being vulnerable is necessary. That in order to give love you have to allow yourself to accept it. That God will always know you better than you know yourself. That relaxing and essentially doing nothing for hours at a time can be a good thing. And that God is just beautiful, along with everything and everyone He's made.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)