Waking Up From My Slumber

"Days, they force you back under those covers. Lazy mornings they multiple. Glory's waiting outside your window. Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes." - NEEDTOBREATHE 

     God is so good. One way to tell --> NEEDTOBREATHE. I'm sure a ton of you agree. This song lifts my heart because I need it! The WORLD needs it! The song is about realizing that we are in a slumber! We are in a slumber of passiveness, of bitterness and hurt, of numbness. We are in a slumber of content, of confusion, of distraction. It's about waking up. Waking up and realizing God's love. Realizing the lack of anguish in our Christian and worldly communities. Realizing where we actually stand in our faith.
     If you asked me to describe how the past week has been I'd immediately know the word to use: restless. My heart has been restless, my body, and mostly my mind. My heart is so overwhelmed with longing for the Lord, longing for comfort, longing for SOMETHING. I have felt worthless, unproductive, unhelpful, pointless, and lazy with my relationship with God and it was killing me. All week I've been mentally beating myself up and praying to God for a job for a motive for Him to work through me. My mind is going crazy just trying to figure out what the heck is going on inside my heart! And of course to deal with this confusion I instinctively distracted myself with friends, family, school, music, sports, anything - essentially digging myself into a deeper hole. I was wrestling with God. But it was as if He was just not moving. I was pushing from all sides and He just wasn't going to budge. But He was pushing me too. I was just too worked up to notice.
     I can tell you that tonight has been the best night of my week because my heart is now at rest. Everything just came together. I can breath. I'm at peace. How the heck did that happen? Get ready.... :D!
     Tonight I sat down for my first worship and prayer sesh in a few days. I spend time with the Lord everyday either reading the Bible, reading Francis Chan's Crazy Love, or writing in my prayer journal. But for the past two days I haven't been able to really worship and pray alone. This morning I was still so restless that I pulled a sheet out of my Tues/Thurs journal and wrote a page long prayer while waiting for my professor to show up!
    I finished 2 Corinthians a few days ago but for some reason I read the last few Chapters again tonight without realizing at first that I had already read them. As I read through them the impact they had made on me a few days ago rose up again in my heart and mind but it was now met with greater and more meaningful realizations. 2 Corinthians 13:11 "Finally, brothers and sister, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you." I read this and it immediately hit me. How powerful these words were. I wanted to know the whole meaning of them. I read them three or four times then moved in to figure out what they meant: God has a plan. All He wants is for us to give our hearts to Him. We have nothing to worry about. So strive for life in Him; be there for one another in a positive, energetic, and lively way; join together and share the love and faith of the Lord with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ; have peace, serenity, fulfillment in the Lord. For He is with you in all of this and He will guide you in all that you do. This is harder than it looks. But those are four things that Paul is encouraging us to do. Four things we have to concentrate on. Every one of them is good. Every one of them is promising. And every one of them is not ever done alone, but with God.
     Earlier in the chapter I came across this: 2 Corinthians 13:5 "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you.." Now a little hesitant at first, I let this one sink in. Am I in the faith? Am I trusting in God, living my life as if it is not mine, but God's? If I tested myself, would I fail?
     Katrina, my roommate, also came in tonight (see things coming together? cray.) And relayed to me what she had learned at Doo Rag (a Christian Ministry on Campus) with extreme excitement, passion, and fervor. She talked to me about how we are always drifting from the Lord. It doesn't matter who you are or where you are. You're drifting. We are sinners. You compare yourself to that "really pretty" girl, you're drifting. You even think about yelling at your mom, you're drifting. You lie to someone, anyone, you're drifting.  You think about how annoying it is for someone to (fill in the blank), you're drifting. You flinch away from a homeless man, you're drifting. The speaker took it another notch. You think about that knife, you're drifting. You think about that gun to you're head, you're drifting. It's all drifting. We are always drifting no matter how much. So what are we doing about it? Slash...through this, what do you realize about God?
     Now for the last part of the verse, do you realize that Jesus is in you? IN you. Earlier this week (this is where things are coming together again!) I read the second chapter of Francis Chan's Crazy Love and on Friday of last week I went to IV Large Group and what do you know! - I learned a LOT about God!
     Francis talked about how God made us with a purpose. He chose for us to be here. CHOSE for us to be here. Not until I read this did I realize that for so long I had been thinking that He made me THEN He  made a purpose for me. No. He thought about the purpose, then He made me with it in mind. He willingly made me. Just to love me, use me in His giant awesome plan, and have me love Him. How honorable is that!!!! The God of the universe actually thought deeply about who He wanted me to be and how He was going to use me. CJ taught me how the Lord God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit were one together, before the world, before the universes, before anything. They were COMPLETELY full in joy, love, beauty, trust, faith. They were completely full and perfect. But then God made the world to share it with us. I always wonder why He did this. But then I think about the true reason for why we chose and want to have children. And that just, without much more explanation, explains it. To realize this! To realize these truths... but to really truly believe and live them...
     Francis's last powerful point of chapter 2 in Crazy Love is the idea that we could die.. anytime. Most of us know this, I hope. But do we really realize it? Do we really live like it? Do we REALLY live like it? This has been a huge conviction for me. Ever since I read this on Monday I realized, no, I don't live like this truly. Granted, I am a spontaneous person, I live for today as much as I possibly can, and I try to cherish was God gives me every morning, every moment. But if I am being honest. I don't LIVE like this is a truth to me. If I died today what would I have to say for that? Did I glorify God in all I did. Did I love everyone as much as I could that I came in contact with? Did I see the joy in the world that God has made and cease it with all I could?
    Paradoxically I woke up from a slumber of restlessness and entered into the peace of God. I know that God has a plan for me. That He knows me inside and out. He knew all of me before I was born. He knew all of me 200 years ago! He purposefully chose to make me for a specific reason. All I need to do is run after HIM. Find peace in HIM. Focus on HIM and the purpose will be fulfilled. He will instill in me the passions, the motives, the tasks that He wants me to complete. I've realized that He is in me. He always has been. Now I will follow Him. With everything.  And know that He is with me. Now I will live like I know God. Wake on up from your slumber and Live with me! :)